When I was a teenager, there was a local writer who went viral on Facebook—the only social media platform I knew of back then—for writing painstakingly relevant and accurate pieces, letters, and poems. They were mostly about estrangement, loneliness, hope, and burnout, which was a slightly troublesome genre to relate to at thirteen. One of his writings, which were mostly in Arabic, stated something along the lines of:
“Should you ever find me burnt out like an abandoned stove, or still like a wall clock, you can then bury me. The loss of desire is death.”
And I remember feeling like this was something to hold onto; the fact that I was still there, with waves crashing up and down inside me, wanting, yearning, hoping… it was a signal that I was still alive, no matter how dead I felt. ‘Desire’ to me was synonymous with ‘Hope’. Even over a decade later, I still don’t exactly know what it is that I desire, so I call it Hope.
The fact that this quote has stayed with me for so long, after the shedding of multiple versions of me since then, is significant. It was always the renewed feeling of hope in me after a period of suffering through something that heralded the start of a new era for me. Whether it be a personal hardship, a familial crisis, or mental or physical health issues.. for someone whose inner world is violently sensitive, like a sponge, it’s easy to fall apart after living through an emotionally loaded experience.
What Emily Dickinson once said about Hope was not far from this context, only artistically more pleasing:
“Hope” is the thing with feathers - That perches in the soul - And sings the tune without the words - And never stops - at all -
It is the mere fact of existence that as long as you are alive, there is always space for things going right, for some form of mercy and bliss to cross your path, just as much as there is room for pessimism, trouble, and agony. Allah has also mentioned in the Qur’an that it is only those who have lost their way who despair of his mercy:
“قال وَمَن يَقْنَطُ مِن رَّحْمَةِ رَبِّهِ إِلَّا الضَّالُّونَ” – سورة الحجر، الآية 56
“He said, “And who despairs of the mercy of his Lord except for those astray?”
I think it was perhaps purposeful that I should write about Hope just after I’d written about Pain, because it came as naturally as breathing. If I know how bad pain feels, it is because I have experienced pain-free days. If I know how desperation, entrapment, and despair feel, it is because I have experienced Hope. It is not about whether you read enough positivity quotes or whether you make yourself a pretty vision board. At the end of the day, all that can be left for you in the darkest moment is the deep-seated, transcendent belief that there is Hope in what’s coming next.
For a few months now, which have felt like forever, I’ve been missing the feeling of knowing even remotely what I’m doing. I start several projects then finish nothing. I jump from one health issue to the next. Hardships and hurdles come my way one after the other. What has kept me sane through it all, the one single reminder that has stopped me from vanishing into thin air with the sheer pressure and fatigue I felt, is the belief, the faith, the full knowledge that there is Hope.
And I should probably emphasize one word here: Faith. Without my Faith, I may well have been consumed with darkness and despair. I have certainly known others who have. Some of them may have found a way out somehow; others haven’t. I strongly, wholeheartedly believe in the power of faith in pulling people out of the worst places in life. It is an inexplicable force to fight all material causes that may lead you to lose all Hope. When every single logical aspect is against you, Faith will see you through and deliver you to the most unexpected, unprecedented destinations.